Meta Knight's Dressing Gown
by GenericDude
Summary: After a anonymous person sends Meta Knight a dressing gown, he decides to wear it. Little did he know, donning the garment would change his entire world...a sort of crack fic, wasn't sane when I wrote this. Please R&R!


**I wrote this story on a whim, you may call it a crack fic seeming it isn't what one would see as an ordinary scenario, but there we go. Enjoy, and don't forget to leave a review!**

Meta Knight's Dressing Gown

He stood over it, pondering what to do. This was the first time it had ever happened to him during his life in Castle Dedede. It just looked so...innocent.

Meta Knight picked it up and examined it. It was a parcel. He looked at the brown wrapping, tied together by tough yarn. It was unique; Meta Knight never got mail! Was it a present? The parcel didn't seem to yield any form of identification, no hint as to who was the perpetrator of the parcel-dropping act.

He brought it towards his desk and placed it neatly onto it. Rubbing his hands, Meta Knight begun to feel over the parcel, pressing lightly on it to decipher what it might be. It couldn't be a bomb; there was no ticking. The parcel was softer than Kirby himself, how could it be dangerous?

After a while, he had silently deduced that he wasn't going to discover what was inside the parcel until he opened it. He felt a slight spring in his heart as he realised it was time to open it. Oh, the mystery! He had never felt quite like this; never had any of his gifts been wrapped! Not even at Christmas!

Digging his hands into a slit in the parcel, he started to rip it open, tearing through the brown paper and parting it to reveal the gift within. The colour of cyan beamed through the plush parcel as he stripped the gift of its armour.

On first impressions, he thought it was a pillow. A fuzzy, light blue pillow. He looked at it, his hands still resting on the thing. He certainly didn't remember asking for a pillow, he thought.

Then it struck him. It looked to strange to be a pillow. There were folds on the edges which revealed that it may have been folded up. A new duvet, perhaps? But then again, Meta Knight's original duvet, embroidered with pictures of stars, masks and swords, was fine enough. He certainly didn't remember asking anyone for a new duvet, he thought.

He then grabbed the edge and lifted it, allowing the garment to unravel. Standing up so the fabric could fully reveal itself, it finally clicked in his mind. He knew exactly what he held in his hands, although he remained equally as confused as to how it reached him.

It was a dressing gown.

A light blue one at that. Fuzzy as well. Meta Knight could feel its softness in the palms of his hands. It felt quite soothing.

But he was still confused. He certainly didn't remember asking anyone for a dressing gown, he thought. Perhaps the parcel arrived to the wrong person?

No, it couldn't have been, he thought. Meta Knight quickly went towards the scattered wrapping and examined every nook and cranny on it to see if there was an address. But there wasn't.

Maybe it was for him? A secret admirer? It was a concept that Meta Knight was familiar with. With his dashing good looking mask and his mysterious ways, fan girls couldn't resist the little hunk of a ball that was Meta Knight!

He examined the dressing gown, turning it around and looking at it. He had to admit; it looked very cosy to wear. Had a Hugh Hefner look to it as well.

He made his mind up at that moment. He would wear it in the morning, to give it a trial run. To see whether he was truly meant to be the recipient of the dressing gown, or whether this was all just a big misunderstanding.

The morning came swiftly. The castle folk were waking up and life started to blossom within the great stone walls.

Within Meta Knight's room however, things were taking a change from Meta Knight's normal routine. Instead of waking up, donning the armour and preparing for a shift, Meta Knight donned the dressing gown. He found that it fit perfectly, snugly, and instantly he felt somewhat enraptured in the softness of the cyan coloured fuzziness. It felt...great!

He threw his mask on and decided he would take the morning off to walk around the castle halls and walls to loosen his joints for the day. He hadn't had a break in ages and the chances of an attack were second to none.

So, with his eyes aglow, indicating his contempt, he opened his door and proceeded to take a walk around the castle. Maybe a chat with Dedede to start the day, he thought. Followed by some nice caviar...

But as he dreamt of his dream morning, walking down the hall, he failed to realise that something was out of the ordinary around him. The people stopped when he passed them in his trance, stopping to look at his dressing gown. It was something they had to rub their eyes and take a second look at to believe. The great knight, who spent his entire life thus far guarding the castle in his mighty, intimidating armour...**walking about in a cuddly dressing gown?**

Why, as soon as Meta Knight had left their line of sight, the people rejoiced! He looked so cute and cuddly and huggable in that dressing gown! An absolute sensation! They pondered over where Meta Knight had suddenly acquired his sense of fashion, but boy, did he hit it right the first time! They knew that Meta Knight initially was just cool. But upon seeing that sight, they decided that he was not just cool. He was **awesome**.

Even Dedede couldn't believe what he was seeing when Meta Knight walked into the throne room and gave his bow.

"Good morning" Meta Knight addressed. He closed his eyes and waited for a reply, but for the first time in his life, he was met by complete silence. He opened his eyes to see Dedede looking at Meta Knight, his mouth agape.

"...You...look good..." he said quietly. "...Where'd you get it?"

Meta Knight looked down and gestured at his lovely, lavish gown.

"I just got it in a parcel last night. Strange, huh? Thought I'd give it a test run" he explained. "...Sir? You look pale..."

Dedede was in shock at what he was seeing. It was almost like fan service.

"...Well...you can't be on duty lookin' like you own this place, right?" Dedede asked. "Go and get changed pretty quick, you hear? This castle ain't gonna defend itself, you know!"

Meta Knight bowed and nodded his head in agreement before spinning on his heel and making for the door slowly. Heading back to his room, he was met by the same awestruck looks, although he remained somewhat oblivious to them. The men thought he looked suave. The girls thought he looked stunning.

That night, whilst Meta Knight was retiring for bed, everyone within the castle was gossiping...

"Did you see that dressing gown?"

"He looked so awesome!"

"I wanna hug him!"

"Where did he get it, I want one!"

"I want his autograph!"

The morning came. Meta Knight awoke to see his dressing gown hanging on the wall in front of him. He smiled to himself. He couldn't wait to jump out of bed and experience the warmth and cosiness of that gown, with its cyan glow and welcoming, almost beckoning soft cotton. Throwing it on, he felt its comforting embrace wrap around his body and his arms. Fastening the waist, he donned his mask and opened the door.

BOOM! The door suddenly flung open as crowds of people flocked all around Meta Knight, their hands reaching out to stroke the velvety softness of his dressing gown.

"I wanna touch it!"

"It's so soft!"

"Will you go out with me Meta Knight?"

"No, he's mine, back off!"

"How about a thousand dollars for that gown?"

"Don't be silly, accept my ten thousand!"

"I'll give you ONE MILLION DOLLARS for that gown!"

At once, acting on impulse as he had done his entire life, he ducked and weaved his way swiftly through the crowd before sprinting down the halls and towards the throne room, the one room where he knew he would be safe from the waves of adoring fans of his dressing gown.

He rushed through the doors of the throne room and shut them quickly, turning the bolt to lock the door and stave away the hungry fiends of admiration. Dedede watched in awe as Meta Knight listened intently by the door to hear if the people had given up and dispersed.

"Uh...something bothering you?" Dedede asked. Meta Knight sighed and turned towards Dedede, giving a sluggish bow.

"I needed to come here" he explained. "It's the only sanctuary this castle can offer me from them"

"Who's 'they'?" Dedede asked. Meta Knight swivelled on his heel and pointed his finger towards the door, where the muffled noises of the crowd still broke through.

"Them" he said. "It appears my dressing gown has accumulated its own fan base overnight" Dedede shrugged.

"I'm not surprised" he mumbled. "It's the first time you've worn something that **isn't **armour, plus it does look rather dashing" he explained. "Which reminds me of something"

"What does it remind you of?" Meta Knight asked. Dedede then clapped his hands, causing a group of Waddle Dees to appear from doors behind the throne. They were all dragging a gigantic brown sack across the floor. Then, as they dragged it next to Dedede's throne, they let go, causing a sea of letters to flood right out of it. The letters flowed until they reached Meta Knight's feet, to which he looked up in shock.

"...Where id this sudden influx of mail..." he mumbled in shock.

"It's all fan mail, Meta Knight" Dedede answered suddenly. "Addressed to **you**. It came in over night, so I have no doubt in guessing it's about the dressing gown!"

Meta Knight studied the pile of letters carefully. Everyone had Meta Knight's name on it. The variety was huge as well, some were normal envelopes, some had first class stamps, three first class stamps, some were caked in first class stamps, some were pink, blue, some had posh markings, lipstick kiss marks, hot wax that sealed the marks, everything!

"...You want me to check it...right?" Meta Knight asked, hoping Dedede would shake his head.

"You've driven the Waddle Dees in the mail department to ruin with all this fan mail..." Dedede explained. "...But then again, I know you, you don't take punishment too lightly...especially when you got that sword in your hand..." he mused. Meta Knight took a quick step forward.

"Her name is Galaxia!" he shouted. Dedede jumped in his chair, eyes agape and holding his hands up for mercy.

"...Besides, what will you have me do?" Meta Knight finished. Dedede calmed down a little, taking a deep breath before speaking.

"Well, it's obvious everyone wants to see you in your new gown. Plus, I know that you do your monthly exhibition to the people of Cappy Town, letting them see you practice your moves in front of the main gate so everyone can see. So, I decided I'll fuse the two, and get you to do your training routine tomorrow in your dressing gown!" he explained.

"...In my...dressing gown?" he asked.

"Sure, why not?" Dedede parried back.

"...It's not exactly appropriate clothing for battle, my..." Meta Knight protested. Dedede blew a raspberry and flapped his hand.

"Who cares?" Dedede cut across. "Kirby always ruin my schemes, so what's there to defend against? Besides, if you do it, maybe people will bother you less" he compromised. Meta Knight put his head down and thought. It couldn't hurt to do **one **session...

"Very well" he said. "I'll do it this once"

The day passed quickly into night, and night passed quickly into morning. That same morning, all the residents of Cappy Town converged at the gates, where Sword and Blade were setting up Meta Knight's training podium, complete with various targets such as scarecrows and boulders for he harder hitting moves. They too would also be participating. It was almost like putting on a show.

Then, as the stage was set, as Sword and Blade stood at the edge of the platform, he appeared. The crowd started to cheer in a frenzy as the fluff clad man stepped out, his sword in one hand. His mask was firmly on his face as usual.

Instantly, Meta Knight started to shiver. It was far colder outside than usual! He was so used to having his armour block any involuntary breeze that even said breeze caused him to shiver inside. Not even the velvety comfort of his cyan dressing gown could keep Meta Knight fully warm.

But that hardly mattered. He started to do his routine, warming up as he went along. His routine included everything. He decimated the scarecrow with wind blasts, sliced the boulder clean in half with a great strike and gave Sword and Blade a downright battering. Through it all, the crowd cheered and roared, unlike ever before! How he moved so quickly! How the tails of his gown fluttered so innocently against the wind. How the silence of his moves created such an illusion! How that cyan colour complimented his blue skin! It was amazing, they thought! Best show ever!

Until it happened...

A horrifying tragedy was set to take place...

So horrifying, it made grown men cry...

So disgusting, even poo for dinner was more appetizing...

So gut wrenchingly awful, you may want to stop here and pretend the story ended with Meta Knight getting lots of flowers and money for his routine and becoming world famous as the knight who fought in a dressing gown...

It would all come to an end...

He was in the middle of showing Sword and Blade how a real knight fought. He was positioned at the edge of the stage up front, where the entire crowd could see him. He was to sheathe his sword in the scabbard that was tied around his waist. Then, still facing the crowd, he would back flip, land on his feet still facing the crowd, and chop Sword in half with a sudden swivel. So he decided he would do the move. It was a signature for some; he would do this move to conclude every show when Sword and Blade would have had enough of a battering. He felt happy inside. Never had people cheered him on so much. He was beginning to get used to this fame. _Time to show them how a true man fights..._

*snag*

"Huh? My sword...it's...stuck? Come on, you...yaahh!"

*rrrrrip!*

It couldn't have been worse. The sword caught against the dressing gown buckle and with a yank, tore right through it and opened the gown. It was then that Meta Knight suddenly realised that something was wrong.

"Oh dear lord!"

"Put it away!"

"Turn your eyes away children!"

"My eyes! MY EYES!"

Meta Knight looked down and remembered the first rule of dressing gown dressage: always wear something underneath.

Instantly, he threw Galaxia to the floor and tried to cover himself up. But his sword swipe had tore open a massive gash in the gown, which always succeeded in revealing parts of Meta Knight's manhood somehow. Meta Knight shrivelled from the embarrassment, turning into a complete cowering wreck on the stage.

"Don't look at me!" he cried. "DON'T LOOK AT ME!"

Meta Knight threw the dressing gown to the sea that following morning, never wishing to see it again. Never did he feel so welcome in his cold, callous armour. It would take weeks until people would stop calling him names such as "Flasher Knight" and "Meta Nude"

But he would always somehow miss that soft dressing gown, albeit all the destruction and devastation is caused to his reputation. He knew whenever he was to come across a garment different to his armour ever again; he vowed never to wear it outside castle walls.

The end!


End file.
